Preface
I am a 68 year old gay urban senior living in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. I live with Bipolar disorder and addictions. I’ve experienced multiple suicide attempts, three psychotic episodes, and one major depressive episode in my lifetime. I am a person with lived experience.
Raised in rural Alberta in a small town called Hanna, I was bullied as a youth and by age 13 I began having suicidal ideations. At that time, I got into the booze and then the drugs followed. I struggled silently thinking there must be something terribly wrong with me.
There was no internet in those days and no social media. There were no books in my school library. There were no positive role models like k.d. lang or Mark Tewksbury or Elton John who were out and proud to just be themselves. I thought my attraction to other boys was a sickness, that there was something terribly wrong with me.
I hid in plain sight, numbed myself with booze and drugs, and desperately craved connection. I remember one summer night I was sitting on the back step of my parents’ house looking up into the starry night sky and it dawned on me that I might not be from here, that these are not my people, that I was from somewhere else and that my people were coming to rescue me.
I’ve worked in the field of mental health and addictions for a quarter century. One of the great lessons I’ve learned is that everyone has a story to tell. And the telling of our stories connects us and helps us to understand.
And that kindness is the highest form of wisdom.
Kindness to ourselves, each other, and this place is the foundation of a good life. When we are kind to ourselves, when we truly love ourselves, then love for each other and this place just flows naturally. I believe it is the most important knowledge that adults owe children. Love of self, each other, and this place.
Everything is connected.
In 2014 I took the first steps towards telling my story of lived experience and began writing my memoir. My story is my truth. I believe telling our stories connects us and helps us to understand. Because there is no perfect life. In fact, it’s the imperfection of life that keeps it interesting and worthwhile, that keeps life from being boring and dull.
We all have our struggles and the lessons of lived experience are what propels us forward to keep learning and growing. I still have so much to learn and this knowledge gives me hope.
Hope for me and hope for humanity and this place called earth.
I possess a deep well of gratitude for the life that was given to me, an interesting life. I share my story with you freely in the hope that the lessons of my lived experience might illuminate the spark of hope within you.
J. Colin Simpson – Grace
December 2024
